I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
