I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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