If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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