nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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