ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize