i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
