Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
