Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
