I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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