Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
