Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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