Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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