You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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