She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
