I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
