I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
