so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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