A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
