I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
