If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
