Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize