Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
