Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
