I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
