I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
