i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
