We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
