i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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