i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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