Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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