thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
