Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
