Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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