Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
