When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
