You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
