Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
