Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
