my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
