Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
jump out the window naked night went bad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
