Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
