I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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