We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
