Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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