some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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