i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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