the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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