Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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