My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're like the curious george of whores
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
