billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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