his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
