I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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