as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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