I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
