thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
