everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
