Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
