I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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