"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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