I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
