So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
