Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
