Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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