His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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