that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Non-Jews are for practice
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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