Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
