the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
