Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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