I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
