I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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