anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
