Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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