I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
