I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
