i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
