i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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