i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
