You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
