this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
