PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
